Yeah I know that I’m not really doing much posts lately at least to help with writing but I do have an exciting anouncment. I’m going to be participating In NaNoWriMo this year and am going to be doing instalments of my novel on this site. Of course you’ll have to take in mind that these will be unedited pieces so there will probably be tons of errors. Depending on what happens I’ll keep up and post my word count for those days if not, well you’ll know what happened. Here’s a piece I wrote about me and fear. I hope you like it.
Fear, now this is a thing I know all too well. Fear starts at a young age and grows over time. For me, the first fear I had was of the dark, then of spiders, or that infamous monster under the bed. Unknowingly, I created my own character to battle this fear. This is the point in my childhood where the hero games began.
I was Miriam the warrior princess who could overcome anything. Save villages, battle dragons, and defeat bad guys. The games became deeper as time went by and I was pretty confidant of myself. Then the bullying began.
“You’re a nobody.” some would say. “When are you going to grow up? Get your head out of the clouds.”
“Look at her. Do you think she even washes her hair. Ewww… smell that its grease girl.” On and on these went bringing down my defences. Letting fear win again.
Junior high wasn’t any better. The group of tormentors changed. They made fun of everything about me. They pushed me down till a point I felt I’d never rise again. Then I found my friends my true friends.
They bound my wounds, lifted me up, and most of all told me I was important. As worse as the bullying was my self esteem grew to exceed it. I rose and kept rising. The bullying stopped. I was free.
Now I stand writing about it all. I still am afraid of those who teased me. If I ever see them in the hall I look the other way. They probably don’t even know how much they hurt me but I remember it all. I know that I’m strong and destined for greatness. Fear, however, will never leave me. Thoughts like ‘What if they were right? What if I’m just fooling myself thinking I can be a writer?’ frighten me at night.
I am stopped with a fear of never being good enough but I will rise. Nobody can make me do anything. Nobody can make me quit. I’ll make mistakes, I’ll fail, but I will NEVER quit. I love my talent too much to cheat myself. I’m better than those comments made by self conscious bullys. I’m special, I’m unique and most importantly I’m a writer. I hope that all of you can know that you can do anything if you have the desire enough to do it. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.